What Sex As A Plus-Size Woman Is Really Like

Despite the headway we’ve made in body positivity in the mainstream in recent years, plus-size women often still aren’t seen as sexy. But body-positive blogger Cheyenne, a.k.a. @goofy_ginger, is hoping to help change that.

In a post to her Instagram account last week, Cheyenne issued a call for plus-size women to own their sexuality, and for others to realize that the narratives around plus-size women are often inaccurate and problematic.

“If you’re fat, you’re typically denied sexuality altogether or it’s forced on you in the form of a fetish,” she wrote. “People assume you have sex with a shirt on and the lights off, which is true for some of us.”
If you’re fat, you’re typically denied sexuality altogether or it’s forced on you in the form of a fetish. People assume you have sex with a shirt on and the lights off, which is true for some of us.

“I was so afraid of what I would look like to someone performing cunnilingus, I wouldn’t engage in it,” she admitted. “We contort our bodies, hide under covers, or refuse positions because God forbid our partner see we have a belly.”

However, she realized that all this hiding wasn’t fooling anyone.
“Our partners know what we look like, and they want to have sex with us,” she wrote. “Not in spite of our looks, but because our appearance is attractive!”

Cheyenne, who regularly posts photos of herself in bikinis to encourage others to be more body positive, said that embracing nudity has helped her to own her sexuality.

“By taking selfies, lounging, and sleeping completely nude, I grew comfortable enough to share my nakedness with others,” she wrote.

Now, she’s hoping that by sharing her experiences with others, she can help everyone else to embrace their bodies and take back their sexuality.

“Your soft belly, jiggly hips, dimpled thighs are beautiful and sexy,” she wrote. “That muffin top you once hid? It should be unleashed in all its glory during sex! Anyone who is disrespectful of that doesn’t deserve sex with you. Don’t waste yourself on someone who doesn’t honor your body the way it deserves. There are plenty of people who would love to worship your body and enjoy every inch of you!”

Most of us probably have body insecurities and hangups when it comes to sex, but as Cheyenne writes, those issues may be more pronounced when society doesn’t believe that someone of your body type gives or receives pleasure. But if we work to embrace our bodies as they are, that narrative just might change.

“I’m a hypersexual person, and recently it’s become a lot more important to me to incorporate sex positivity and kink positivity into my page,” Cheyenne told Refinery29. “The majority of people I know are insecure sexually, and I think if we open the dialogue more, we can destigmatize the subject as a whole. Anyone (of consenting and of legal age) has the right to enjoy sex, and it shouldn’t be such a huge secret that fat people are a part of that.”

“By openly discussing our needs, embracing our naked bodies, and choosing the right partner, we’re enabling ourselves to finally have fun, satisfying sex,” she wrote in the post. “Our bodies have amazing capabilities to give and receive pleasure, and no matter what your fat content is, you deserve to enjoy that pleasure. So, whether you’re a svelte tigress or a voluptuous vixen, you are allowed to have all the unapologetic, unbridled sex you want!”

Since she posted her message, several other Instagram users have praised her for being so open, commenting on how much her post has resonated with them.

“Thank you!!! I have such a problem during sex because I’m so worried about what they are thinking about my body that I can’t focus on getting off, ” one user commented. “I will definitely try your ideas on how to embrace my body thank you again!!!!!”